Clyde's notes from the depths of hell on deviantradio.com

2006-11-09T19:56:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's been a little while since I've posted. I apologize to all of you out there that have been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for my next brilliant commentary. I've actually been extremely busy trying to learn more programs to help make Deviant Radio (shameless plug - you can listen, here) the juggernaut that it is destined to be. I HATE Flash, by the way. Macromedia has coded the anti-christ of software.

To be fair, the program can do magnificent things. The downside is the Help files, & the fact that they only taught 5 people in the world how to use it. Plus, those five people have absolutely ZERO understanding of how to explain their knowledge to other people. What I'm trying to say is EVERY tutorial, or lesson I have found is incomplete, not accurate, or completely off subject - it has driven me fucking crazy!

Anyway, since my last post, that's what I have spent ALL of time doing. Okay, that's a lie. I also celebrated my 6th Anniversary, with my beautiful wife, Bonnie. It still amazes me that she puts up with all of my shit, after 11 years of actually being together. I mean, seriously, have you heard the Deviants on the air? She actually lives with myself, two of my offspring (they're definitely chips off the ol' block), & Devious Daryl. I wouldn't wish that on my enemies; shit, I don't wanna do it anymore!

More importantly, I have spent the last month or so scouring the vast expanses of the internet trying to find this "sex tape" of Britney Spears. After all, people have started calling me "Clyde Google" because I pride myself on finding something that is "allegedly on the internet".

***CRAZY DEVIANT TALK SHOW INTERUPTION!***

Sparkles, THIS is for you (in less than 2 minutes, I might add)... And for anyone else that clicks that link, please don't hold it against me, until you hear Sparkles' phone call to the Deviants Talk Show on 11-7-06. It should be up shortly... (Right, Daryl?)

***END CRAZY DEVIANT TALK SHOW INTERUPTION!***

As I was saying, Britney Spears did it on camera! Did what, you ask? She did the whole "woot-woot, suckie-suckie". All I have to say is, "HELL YEAH!" Now, it's just a short glimpse into the wild freaky shit! I've got this feeling it's gonna end up like the whole Pam/Tommy thing. She won't be able to stop it, but smart enough to capitalize on it. Maybe even do signings @ the bigger adult "bookstores"; all to our benefit, I must add. Okay, I know you can't wait for me to show you where it is...

Well, I have hid the link somewhere on Deviant Radio .com. It should be easy to find. Just look @ the front page, and think where you might find us mentioning Britney Spears' name (keep in mind what she does - besides deep throat).

C'mon, quit your bitchin'; you didn't think I was gonna just give it to you without at least looking for it, did you? Use your burnt-out brain for once. Give me a fuckin' break! I'm not the master of promotion for nuthin'!

Until next time. I'm out!

2006-10-13T15:27:00.000-05:00

585. That is how many days I have been hacking away @ this radio gimmick. 585 days. I feel like a recovering addict keeping track of how many days I've wanted a VERY stiff drink. Now don't get me wrong, I have fallen off the wagon & not done a damn thing more times than I care to remember. Luckily, I don't have to start the count over, because I have never actually quit my duties @ (WARNING! shameless plug) Deviant Radio.

I keep attempting new ways to bring more money- scratch that- any money in to the station. I gave up on trying to be completely original - I actually found that if you can make money at it, somebody, somewhere has already done it. So I started stealing ideas...I mean cultivating ideas. I have found and tried plenty; some were total disasters, some were moderate successes, & some are still in the process of panning out. I just found a new one that is the absolute best idea I've ever heard & have decided this is the next marketing plan for all of us @ Deviant Radio. Doug Guetzloe is absolutely The Most Brilliant Asshole in the radio industry. Well, besides MJ @ 93.3 wflz (how he got so big being so fucking non-funny just baffles me), but I digress... This guy (Guetzloe) took money from various people (like the Orlando Magic, & The City of Kissimmee) to NOT talk against certain topics. Fucking brilliant, right?!? I would like to officially announce Deviant Radio's stance on ALL subjects as - FOR SALE!

That is right, for a low-low price, you too can force your opinion upon others through the voices of ALL of Deviant Radio's on-air personalites. I promise (as co-creator) if anyone refuses, they will be replaced by someone who will comply.

Don't delay! I am currently on the phone w/Hugo Chavez to relay his message that Dubya is the Devil. I've received an e-mail from Mark Foley - he's lobbying for the rights of all government officials to have cyber-sex w/ underage teenage boys. Hey! It's not REAL sex. I'm telling you people, you better hurry. If you have an agenda, we will talk for it OR against it. All of our opinions are going fast, so get yours spoken for today!

NOTE:
The Deviant Radio store will not be accepting payment for these opinions, although we will take them through a numbered PayPal account that cannot be traced back to us. Just email me, & let me know.

2006-09-29T08:58:00.000-05:00

Every true internet radio mogul starts from humble beginnings. Those that don't, blow all their booty on hookers & coke before they get there. So, to keep myself on the fast-track to stardom (and mogul status) I searched & searched for something menial and below my expertise strictly to keep me grounded and humble. Finally, I recognized this chirping sound in my ear that hasn't stopped for quite some time; it was my wife telling me it was time to remodel our 2 sons' bedroom. Aha! Menial? check. below my expertise? check. I have my grounded project. That's right, I could have told my wife to call our interior designer and slew of decorators that she so richly has on speed-dial to remodel that room, but that would lead to lots of hookers & coke, and no money, so I did it myself.

First I ripped up the carpet to find this awesome carpet hidden below. BINGO! I mean blackjack. I thought I was done! A major improvement over what was there before.

Is that not bad-ass fucking carpet? I mean seriously! I am SOOO teaching my boys how to play craps! Plus, it's on the ground, so that'll make for a quick transition to street craps (in da hood)!

Okay, dream over. My wife made me join Gamblers Anonymous and cover it up w/ real carpet. Again, trying to stay humble, I installed the carpet myself. Holy shit! This radio deal better work, because I am WAY TOO FUCKING LAZY to install carpet for a living! I mean seriously! Those bastards have it rough! I have damn rug-burns on my knees! The last time I got those I ended up tied to a ... oh wait - wrong blog - forget you read that last part.

To sum it all up, I am just as humble as I was when I started, so now that I wasted 2 nights kicking carpet and not working on the radio station, I'm way behind - and I've got no high or whores to show for it.

2006-09-19T11:42:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my very first anti-blog post. I call it "anti", because I have completely avoided blogs for as long as I've known about them. Until yesterday, I not only had never contributed to one, I had never even read one. So, I'm not really sure what to write, and to take the literal meaning (web log), well, I don't think I want to do that, because, I really don't want to log my web usage. (The midget fucking is embarassing). Ah, I see you have met my "other side". He will drop in from time to time (drop in? Bitch, I am your inspiration - I'm the funny side). If you are easily offended, then don't read the italicized words in parenthesis, okay? 'Cause I can't control him. He's like a limp dick, he just slips out. (that was a cherry-picked joke, if I've ever heard one, biaatch!)

Okay, now, to pop my blog-cherry...

This blog is more-or-less the inner power struggle between my 2 strongest personalities, and our fight to take over the internet radiowaves from the ground floor. (Just keep in mind, this dude can't stay on task any longer than 10 minutes - so we'll be talking about all kindsa shit). He's right. Of course we could be talking about 80 year old suicide bombers, and he would somehow turn it about sex - I don't know how he does it. (It's easy! Just stick your.... in their...) Okay, STOP!!! I don't wanna hear anymore of that subject.(WHAT!?!?! It's explosive!) Now that's cherry-pickin'!

Alright, to be honest, I have no earthly idea how or what we're gonna turn out on this anti-blog. Just remember, this is your chance to read for free my musings, as when Deviant Radio conquers all mediums we are aiming at, I'm gonna charge for this shit. This is your chance to get in on the ground floor of the next internet phenomenon (ie. myspace)
Don't forget to listen to us every Tuesday @ 8:30pm EST @ Deviant Radio

Okay, now for the real reason of this blog...I currently have in my hand a whole entire box of "blue" paper clips. Huh? Huh? If one red paperclip can get that lucky shmuck a modest house, a whole entire box oughta get me one bad-ass monster of a house, right? Right?! Alright, email me and let me know the address of my new mansion, and I will setup a time to exchange my keys for your paperclips.